The Poetry of the Ring
by CrumbleViolet
Summary: Silly little poems about various LOTR characters. Legolas, Aragorn, Merry & Pippin, Gimli and now LORD ELROND! Just meant for a quick cackle!
1. Legolas the Green Guy

A poem about a Green Leaf.  
  
Disclaimer: As far as I know I did not write Lord of the Rings. It seems I am not rolling in my grave or jumping in piles of money so it seems i have no affiliation whatsoever with anything Lord of the Rings like. These, although are my own words so I would appreciate it if you didn't 'borrow' them or 'steal' them. If you would like them u can ask.   
  
NB: Andelites are from animorphs and I didn't write them either.  
  
The Beginning:  
  
In 10 seconds I decide to write  
A poem about an Andelite  
  
And then I think, maybe not  
You cannot say that they are hot  
  
So what about my Legolas dear  
About him all girls want to hear  
  
And so I start to type this rhyme,  
I count the beats and check the time.  
  
And when I finish, I will post  
This, on a fan fiction host.  
  
People will review hopefully  
And that will bring some joy in me.  
  
Now for the actual poem part  
Where to begin? Where to start?  
  
Legolas is my pride and joy  
He is a stunning little boy  
  
Or is he a stunning little girl  
All I know, he likes to twirl  
  
He shoots his bow at evil guys  
And hits them right between the eyes  
  
He's friends with man and with dwarf  
And I know Andelites can morph.  
  
He runs swiftly across the ground  
You cannot hear him make a sound.  
  
He uses blades when he's up close  
And then he kills... ewww gross.  
  
If I were elf and he were mine  
I wouldn't be writing this rhyme  
  
I would probably be in close embrace  
With the elf with fair a face.  
  
And so I end this poem of mine  
It didn't take me that long time  
  
And I will go to upload screen  
So when you review... be nice, not mean.  
  
The End. 


	2. Aragorn the King Guy

A poem about a King  
  
Disclaimer: As far as I know I did not write Lord of the Rings. It seems I am not rolling in my grave or jumping in piles of money so it seems i have no affiliation whatsoever with anything Lord of the Rings like. These, although are my own words so I would appreciate it if you didn't 'borrow' them or 'steal' them. If you would like them u can ask.   
  
Note: I don't own Alice in wonderland either.  
  
The Beginning:  
  
Someone asked for another rhyme  
Hopefully it'll be better this time  
  
It is meant to be about  
Mr. Aragorn and his spout  
  
What spout you ask, the q'n is fair  
Unlike his unconditioned hair  
  
The spout is something I put in  
To make it rhyme, it seems I win.  
  
Now back to subject that's at hand  
Some say he is gorgeous man  
  
I disagree, but I will not dis  
Although I'm very good at this  
  
He is man, his girl is elf  
He loves her more than loves himself  
  
He is a king of all the land  
Boromir's father has in hand  
  
The rightful heir unto the throne  
I'm struggling now, throw me a bone  
  
Some people write slash fics on net  
I haven't read any, no, not yet  
  
They seem to think that he is gay  
But I say there must be other way  
  
If you want to kill me for saying  
That Arwen, Aragorn is playing  
  
Then kill me now and do not wait  
Since I have already ate  
  
Now let me think now let me thunk  
Legolas is far greater spunk  
  
And merry too for that matter  
For Aragorn is madder than a hatter  
  
But definitely not in bad a way  
Although I've seen him eat some hay  
  
This poem isn't making sense  
So I'll give up and jump the fence  
  
I hope you liked and if you don't  
Review away or maybe you won't  
  
The End. 


	3. The Pair of Hobbitses Guys

The Pair of Hobbitses  
  
Disclaimer: As far as I know I did not write Lord of the Rings. It seems I am not rolling in my grave or jumping in piles of money so it seems i have no affiliation whatsoever with anything Lord of the Rings like. These, although are my own words so I would appreciate it if you didn't 'borrow' them or 'steal' them. If you would like them u can ask.   
  
I have written two poems in a row  
about an elf with a bow,  
  
And about a man with a sword  
I hope they did not make you bored.  
  
Now I've been asked to write again  
about the boys, merry and pip-en  
  
Merry is kinda short and cute  
He has an arse i'd like to toot  
  
But that would be kinda mean  
I'd hide, so I would not be seen  
  
Pippin is the comedian of the two  
You know deep inside that it is true  
  
But pairing up they are the best  
It's good to have a Hobbit fest  
  
In the movies they knock down  
Sam and Frodo, and they frown  
  
But who can stay mad at them for long  
Your feeling would have to be very strong  
  
They climb up trees, they run from orcs  
They eat sausages with knives and forks  
  
They live through all the movies, three  
Which makes them very dear to me  
  
Coz if they died i would be sad  
And whoever killed them would make me mad  
  
The rumours are false, no need to fear  
Merry and Pippin are not queer  
  
They both like girls, which is good for me  
Any day they can 'climb my tree'  
  
But until that happens i'll dare to dream  
About a pair of hobbits, and whipped cream.  
  
THE END 


	4. Gimli the Bearded Short Fat ManDwarf Guy

A Poem about a Bearded Short Fat Man or rather Dwarf.  
  
Disclaimer: As far as I know I did not write Lord of the Rings. It seems I am not rolling in my grave or jumping in piles of money so it seems i have no affiliation whatsoever with anything Lord of the Rings like. These, although are my own words so I would appreciate it if you didn't 'borrow' them or 'steal' them. If you would like them u can ask.   
  
NB: Andelites reappear... I do not own them... I am not good enough to own them *sob*  
  
The Beginning:  
  
The bearded dwarf called Gimli,  
Is the only thing that I can see  
  
Because i'm sitting to damn near  
The television that is here.  
  
An Elf of Sirannon asked me to make  
Another poem for her sake  
  
And because I find that if i'm nice  
People won't fill my house with mice  
  
And sometimes they will even write  
A wittle review, so I might  
  
Write a poem for her, indeed I am  
about the bearded, short, fat man  
  
Okay i'm lying he's a dwarf  
And I really wish that I could morph  
  
(Like the creatures in my legolas bit  
I hope that this poem isn't as shit)  
  
But back to this little poemy rant  
When Gimli runs he tends to slightly pant  
  
But it can't be helped coz his legs are so short  
Unlike the enemies that he has fought  
  
In all the movies, one, two and three  
(don't watch them at once coz you'll need to pee)  
  
Gimli has a itsie bitsie crush  
On Galadriel, but it's all hush hush  
  
Did I spoil it for you? Didn't you know?   
There's nothing like their foul flirting show.  
  
He looks at her, she looks at him  
They share a moment, it seems to get dim  
  
But then she reads his thoughts, and he's thinking dirty  
things bout fitting himself under her skirty  
  
She runs away, but he cannot follow  
because his legs are too short and too hollow  
  
Their romance ends there, that is all that happens  
Cept all the chocolate Gimli eats till he fattens  
  
Gimli moves on, falls in love with nother elf  
(trust me it's better than loving himself)  
  
His name is Legolas and he is a pansy  
But he is perfect and Gimli he fancies  
  
They get it on but it got cut out in edit  
It's not in the book either, there is no way you read it  
  
I swear it does happen! But the sensors weren't happies  
They said it wasn't suitable to children in nappies  
  
I say who cares but they yelled at me  
Told me to go and find my own tree!  
  
Enough about them, or the tiny little man  
Who coincidentally has a tiny little can  
  
I am ending this now before it gets weirder  
Or you're parents say you should run away from me  
  
Okay I know that that didn't rhyme  
But u gotta gimme a break one little time!  
  
Goodnight to you all and I hope you review  
Push the little button and make sure you do!  
  
And remember to give me another name  
To write about, or all these will be the same  
  
Please help me now i'm doing me best  
Put my poetic skills to a challenging test!  
  
The End. 


	5. Elrond the Queen Guy

**Elrond the Queen**

**Disclaimer: **As far as I know I did not write Lord of the Rings. It seems I am not rolling in my grave or jumping in piles of money so it seems i have no affiliation whatsoever with anything Lord of the Rings like. These, although are my own words so I would appreciate it if you didn't 'borrow' them or 'steal' them. If you would like them u can ask.

Elrond is a gorgeous fellow  
When Frodo was sick he gave him jell-o

It fixed him up and he was fine  
(Thank God he didn't break his spine!)

Elrond's hair is long and brown  
When he's happy he still has to frown

His daughter loves his adopted son  
But she is not the only one

He has two sons that I don't know  
Coz I've only seen the movie show

I'm finding it hard to make this rhyme  
And I'm running out of school class time

So I may end this poem here  
And go away to drink a beer

But alcohol is bad and it tastes kinda weird  
Wouldn't Elrond look pretty with a beard?

Maybe you're right, he probably wouldn't  
But that doesn't mean he really shouldn't

As long as he wears his tiara and dress  
The fan-girls will cry and scream in distress

I'm not gonna write that I think he is gay  
You can write a review and have your own say

I think Lord Elrond is incredible hot!  
Omg I'm just kidding! You think that I'm not?

He was cool in the Matrix, and Prescilla the Queen  
A tiara, a dress, it's all the same scene

I just got interrupted for a phone conversation  
Think Elrond and Legolas bat for the same station?

This is getting stupid, and you probably hate it  
But it's almost the end, are you glad you made it?

Please write a review, don't leave me hanging  
Or I'll write a tune for this to be sang in!

Thank you for reading, luck be with all  
I hope you don't suffer an unlucky fall.


End file.
